English . . . Maybe?

A simple lesson that I've learned is that everything is always changing. Sometimes, these changes happen quick and leave you wondering what just happened; other times, changes occur slowly over time, barely noticeable until various years later. People can't stop these changes, but they can help speed them up or slow them down. Changes can be for the better or for the worse, but one thing that will always remain the same is that you will never be the same. 

My change was after losing someone who I had cared for and cherished as one of my best friends. He gave me honest advice like a true friend would and tried to help me as much as possible. He was my best friend, and I only had time for him. He was my everything: my sense of security, my happiness, and my honesty. With him, I believed in myself, which is something that is no longer familiar to me. I was one of the happiest people you would ever converse with. My smiling face and optimistic attitude kept me going, even when times were rough. I was filled with ambition and willingness to succeed, believing that the sky was the limit and that my dreams would come to me if I put in enough effort. I pushed my flaws aside and believed that the scuffs on my shoes built character. The day that I lost him, I lost a part of me.

My optimistic attitude was now clouded with dismal reality, and I no longer carried a smile on my face. The feeling of self-fulfillment was replaced with the feelings of worthlessness and emptiness. My once light heart had turned into a stone in my chest. I spent the weekends sitting in my house, having only memories to comfort me, for I made the choice to make no other friends but him. 

Building myself up from rock bottom will probably be the hardest thing that I will ever have to do. I found new friends, learned to make my own decisions, and became independent. As rough as this experience was, I'm glad that I was able to work through it and become stronger. Even though I am no longer the optimist, I believe that this is who I am now, and I've just recently learned how to accept myself again.