You want to know what my problem is?

I care too much.

It was one of those days; you know the ones I'm talking about: the days where any little thing could push you off the edge and you could burst into tears at any given moment. Worst part about those days isn't the fact that you know them, it's the fact that you never make it though them. There is always one small thing that sets you off. You could lock your keys in your car, forget your lunch at home, or get a bad grade on a test. It's not the fact that those things happen, it's just the little push that makes you fall off into the cliff and break. When people see you cry, they think you are the craziest person, but they don't know all of the other burdens that you hide. You are usually strong and happy, but these problems accumulate and they just become too much to bear. And you really want to talk to anyone, because you don't want to tell them all that is bothering you, cause that will only make you weaker.

You say you still love me, cause you can't forget two and a half years.

You say you don't want a girl friend, cause she'd tie you down.

You say you want me to move on, cause you don't want to tie me down.

You say you don't know what you want, does that mean you don't want me either?

Dear You,

Hello, how are you? I'm just writing this to get a few things off of my chest. Don't worry, I won't be long. I just want you to know that you put these strange ideas in my head that I actually mean something to you. But your signals are weak, the strength is dwindling (or at least in my heart). I don't know if this is a good idea, but I want to give you a choice. I want to believe that you still love me. We've been through everything together, standing there side by side. It's in the way you look into my eyes; and you tell me all of these wonderful things that I really want to believe in. I know you have feelings for me, my heart tells me so. I really, really hope that my heart isn't deceiving me. But if it is, leave now. I don't want anymore games. My heart has been thrown around on the ground and torn down the middle. If you are going to risk destroying it completely, then I don't want anything to do with you, because there are so many other people out there willing to patch it up, so you don't have to. So I'm giving you a choice, not an ultimatum. I want your heart to choose whether or not it loves me. We don't have to date, you can date someone else, I really don't care. I just want to know that I have your heart. If you've given your heart to someone else, that's fine, I just won't bother with you anymore. The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

Hope Less

"Because for me, its always been you, always. I’ve tried to fight it; I’ve tried to deny it, but I can’t. You’re undeniable."

--The OC

WTF.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit or armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." -Neil Gaiman

"Be aware that what you chase may not be worth catching.

If you cheat for it, you will come to resent it.

If you steal it, it will haunt you.

What you work hard for may become the sweetest thing in life."

Feel free to pretend

You aren't fooling anyone

I have the last laugh

Wowowowow; interesting day. First off, I actually accomplished stuff for school, and if that doesn't make this day interesting, then I really don't know what does. (Oh yeah, what I'm about to tell you...) So after I was being proactive towards my school work, I was off to have some fun at a local festival, but there was a catch: I had preform in a parade first. On the way there my mom and I got into an accident. Nothing major, no one was injured. Some idiot lady rear ended us. I got to the parade on time, so everything was fine. Festival was alright, typical games, rides and food. I saw this girl who hates me cause I'm the ex of the guy she's interested in. She thinks that she is fooling me, psh, yeah, whatever. She also laughed at me during the parade, but you know what, I really don't care, cause I'm not the fat ass sitting on my couch all day, I actually have a life and a personality. I win. (Sorry about the angst.) But anyways. So my friend mentioned that my grandma died one year ago from today. I was shocked, I didn't even think of that, does that make a me a terrible person? I still think about her all the time. I miss you grandma.

I am just obsessed with these pictures.

Keep you emotions

Locked up inside your steel heart

Maybe you'll have fun

Whenever I tell him how I feel, I always end up making things awkward and end up feeling hopeless and broken. But when I suck it up and keep everything in, the conversations flows and we smile and laugh. He never tells me how he feels. I know we aren't dating, but I can tell that he still loves me. I think that he is just scared to admit that I was everything to him. That's me being optimistic, it's weird, I know.

I absolutely adore this orange flower!

Summer, please slow down

The days are not long enough

Won't you stay with me?

Summer came and went. I didn't do any of the things that I have wanted to do.

Beautiful sunflower that I had planted back in June with my dad.

Emily Pavilonis i hobe julie perri and everything that comea with hr. hahah that's whaty she saiddddd.

11 hours ago · Comment · Like

Kimberly Pavilonis and Mike Pavilonis like this.

Heather Reichl at 12:41am July 8

der der der. my names emily and i think its cool to drink without heather and sam. bitches!

Show 7 more comments...

Emily Pavilonis at 9:16am July 8

You didn't even get to bed like I told you to. tsk tsk

Kimberly Pavilonis at 9:17am July 8

I was going to... but Neopets distracted me. Oops.

I am not going to let you play me like you've played so many girls before. I'm not like them; I'm not dumb. I refuse to used by someone like you. You don't want me? Wow, you're stupid. Have fun with that slut. I'm everything she's not. I can give you everything she can't. Too bad you aren't with me, cause then you might actually have a chance of getting some of what I have to offer. You lost your chance. I'm moving on.

She's got a smile on her face

And a fuck you attitude

Because from this day on,

She's living life for herself.

"Life is about trusting out feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories and learning from the past"

Probable homecoming dress:

I think I look like a mermaid. :]

I think I'm falling

But babe, it'll be okay

Because I'm fine now.

So last year in August, I talked about a guy who I used to see (not dating, but just randomly see places). Well, we've been talking again. We hung out yesterday, and it was amazing. I really like him. We are so much a like, which is a good thing. He is just so amazing. Bwahh! I'm scared like hell, though. I've never felt like this about a guy before. He is just so amazing. <3333

These flowers were given to my mother from my dad on Mother's Day.

I discovered an amazing artist while searching for new music today. She isn't that popular, but god, I love her: Tina Parol. [Too bad Limewire doesn't have her :( ]

Favorite Songs:

• Who's Got Your Money
  
• Hold On to Your Heart
  
• Crazy
  
• I'm Alive
  

Favorite Lyrics:

I had a feeling

Cause your not calling 

you say no

But people keep talking

followed you around the block

saw her, she ain't even hot

-Who's Got Your Money 

At first I was sad

At first I was crying

And then I got mad

And I started buying.

-Who's Got Your Money 

It's hard to believe

How much I did for you

Everyone knew hoe much I adored you

But that's that and I ain't lookin' back

-Who's Got Your Money 

Some girls are so drunk on love

Those girls are all romance 

Can get enough

-Hold On To Your Heart

It's kind of strange how these songs relate to my situation that I am going through right now. I guess that's why I like them so much.

New hair style. What do you think? [By the way, the shirts that I am wearing are purple, not blue how the picture makes them look.]

English . . . Maybe?

A simple lesson that I've learned is that everything is always changing. Sometimes, these changes happen quick and leave you wondering what just happened; other times, changes occur slowly over time, barely noticeable until various years later. People can't stop these changes, but they can help speed them up or slow them down. Changes can be for the better or for the worse, but one thing that will always remain the same is that you will never be the same. 

My change was after losing someone who I had cared for and cherished as one of my best friends. He gave me honest advice like a true friend would and tried to help me as much as possible. He was my best friend, and I only had time for him. He was my everything: my sense of security, my happiness, and my honesty. With him, I believed in myself, which is something that is no longer familiar to me. I was one of the happiest people you would ever converse with. My smiling face and optimistic attitude kept me going, even when times were rough. I was filled with ambition and willingness to succeed, believing that the sky was the limit and that my dreams would come to me if I put in enough effort. I pushed my flaws aside and believed that the scuffs on my shoes built character. The day that I lost him, I lost a part of me.

My optimistic attitude was now clouded with dismal reality, and I no longer carried a smile on my face. The feeling of self-fulfillment was replaced with the feelings of worthlessness and emptiness. My once light heart had turned into a stone in my chest. I spent the weekends sitting in my house, having only memories to comfort me, for I made the choice to make no other friends but him. 

Building myself up from rock bottom will probably be the hardest thing that I will ever have to do. I found new friends, learned to make my own decisions, and became independent. As rough as this experience was, I'm glad that I was able to work through it and become stronger. Even though I am no longer the optimist, I believe that this is who I am now, and I've just recently learned how to accept myself again.

No haiku, today, just a lot of confusion, excitement, and happiness.

So for the past few weeks, this kid who sits behind me in chemistry and I have been flirting. Well, at least I'd like to think that it is flirting. I'm pretty sure it is/was, though. He is cute, like that dorky-witty-crooked-smile-just-absolutely-adorable cute. He is witty, too, which is huge to me. I love how he can keep my on my toes. He also has that boyish-charm that just makes me smile. Only probably his that he is friends with my ex. I was planned on asking him out on Friday, until a really cute guy messaged me on Facebook yesterday. 

He is a different type of cute though, actually, he isn't cute, he is hot. We went out in fifth grade, too. Not like that really matters, though. Well, he isn't very smart or witty, and he is a player-ish. But he is really nice, and sooo hot. 

I'd like to think of myself as an independent chick who doesn't need a guy to be happy, but I have to admit that all of this attention from guys is making me pretty happy. (And even helping me get over my ex. Finally!)

But I don't really know which one to choose, which is a major issue. They are completely opposite, but one thing they do have in common, is my interest. My plan of action is that I was going to wait until Friday to see if guy #1 wants to hang out or something, but if he doesn't, I always have guy #2 to fall back on. 

And for a moment

The world stopped and I was fine

Only for a moment.

I went to the movies/steak and shake/random parking lot with my best friend. We saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, which was okay. Outside the theatre was amazing though, I really wish I had my camera. There was a field filled with fuzzy dandelions that was just breathtaking. I really regret not taking my camera with me to take pictures. I just wanted to sit in that little field all day and watch the sun set. (Good moment #1.) Steak and Shake was the normal chit-chat and eating. Then, instead of going to the Ikea parking lot, we walked back up hill to a little parking lot that looks a lot like something you would see in the movies as a stop where cars filled with teenagers making out should be parked. We just sat there and had random conversations. (Good moment #2.) So I guess today itself wasn't good, but the moments in it were.

The perfect moment:

Everything is amazing.

I think I'm broken.

My friend's boyfriend came down this weekend and brought a friend, and she thought it would be a good idea to try and hook us up. It wasn't that bad, but it was weird. Everything would've gone alright if it wasn't for the fact that it was the first time I met the guy. His eyes were gorgeous, but I don't know how I felt about him, which is strange, because I usually have a really easy time identifying my feelings for people. He was annoying in the way that he was trying to impress me, but he was nice and seemed generally interested in me, so I guess I am pretty much neutral. My friend and her boyfriend were really cute, though. I wish I had that/I miss doing that. I almost wish that my blind date would've made a move, but I'm not exactly sure how I would have reacted to it. He was somewhat self conscious but he didn't mind showing off, which puzzled me to no end. I guess it is better that nothing happened. I feel bad that I don't like him a lot. Is that weird? I don't know if it is just me being picky or if I'm completely broken from feeling emotions towards anyone.

No editing, just straight up beauty at its prime. You have to admit, even though it is a weed, it is pretty.

There is always hope

For a better tomorrow.

Today matters more.

Wow. Let me be really cliche and say "Long time, no see!" Now that that's over with, I'd like to apologize for not posting a haiku in forever, err, month and a half. My life has just been to hectic. I really needed to take a break from thinking so much about things and just live. Sure, it's nice to take time and reflect, but that takes away the liberty to just move on and live my life. I'm not completely ruling out thinking and reflecting on my life, but I don't want it to be my main focus in life because, let's face it, the future is more important than the past. So I will leave the title box open, giving me the freedom to post as I please.

I love this flower. The white is so refreshing against the brown and green. Summer is on its way, I am so excited!

What I want in a guy:

• Can go for a run with me.
• Uses correct grammar.
• Puts me before himself. 
• Has decent looks/personality.
• Is witty.

Five things. That's it. Is that so hard? Apparently.

I've had a revelation: I am surrounded by people in love. All but one of my friends has a boyfriend. They are all so happy, and I'm happy for them. They all think that love is happiness, and those who aren't in love, aren't happy. It's not. Or at least, it's not for me. I'm fine being single, I really couldn't care less. I don't think I even want a relationship right now. They're too messy. Plus, how can I try and make someone else happy when I can't even make myself happy?

I love reading people's about me's. They usually have this beautiful picture of flowers blowing in the wind in a field or some hand-drawn picture promoting peace or the love of nature, and it is usually followed by a creative little paragraph that is deep and inspiring and makes you want to change the world and become a whole new person. Sorry, but I can't do that. I would tell you of all of the times that I've been disappointed in myself for not doing the right thing like giving my neighbor in science class my last piece of gum instead of pretending that I ate my last piece or telling you how badly that dumb ass guy screwed me over and how I've moved on and how I'm so much better now and it's truly a shame that he doesn't see me now and all of my other life-altering experiences, like how all of my friends that I've had in the past who I trusted with every last bone in my body, stabbed me in the back; but truth is, that just isn't me. I don't care what happened in the past-I'm done with that stuff. Some people say that 'I'll forgive, but never forget.' Fuck that; I'm forgetting everything. This isn't one of those I've-discovered-who-I-am-and-want-to-change-the-world-and-how-people-view-me paragraphs. I honestly couldn't care less what you thought about me; I'll do what I want to regardless of someone that I met in high school says about me. Two years from now, when I graduate, exactly how many times am I going to see these people again? Maybe once or twice passing by at the grocery store in my sweatpants buying ice cream because I had a really bad day at work. That is, if you're lucky. So this is my invitation for you to go ahead and judge me; if it makes you feel better, then I guess I am doing you a favor. You can go ahead and talk shit about me or my friends, but I'm not going to stop my life to make sure that anyone is happy. That is just a waste of time. I know what makes me happy, and it'll be my pleasure to do what I want. -End Rant.-

"I fell down seven times; I got up eight."

I really liked that quote. It is so unequivocal yet so inspirational.

Daily Haiku

My head is held high.

I laugh as I walk away.

I don't need you now.

That's what I keep telling myself. I think it's working. I've decided that I am going to look killer. Try and 'make myself over.' Ahahaha, I'll tell you how that goes.

Daily Haiku

I hate this feeling

Deep inside of my body

That wants to hold on.

I'm trying so hard to let you go. Please, just let me.

Sorry about the terrible quality of this picture. I felt bad that I didn't post a picture in awhile and I was feeling extremely lazy and didn't feel like getting out my camera. Hopefully tomorrow will come with more inspiration and a better attitude.

Daily Haiku

These damn emotions

Are driving me up a wall.

I am so confused.

I am happy, yet sad. Nervous, yet excited. Lonely, yet comforted. I am tired yet restless.

I wish I could have saved this picture for a better day. Today is just so strange.

Daily Haiku

The scene is at pause.

My life is at a stand still.

I want excitement.

Everything is so boring. I am just going though the motions of the day, not one thing has changed in my routine in the last three days. Bor-ing!

This isn't my typical style of photography. I just liked the colors.

Daily Haiku

I want to curl up

Fall sound asleep in my bed

And never wake up.

The idea of sleeping in my bed all day doing nothing has a very strange appeal to me. There has been so much drama going on. I just want to get away from it all.

I want to go somewhere far, far away from where I am now.

Daily Haiku

I just want someone.

To cuddle with on the couch

And share happiness.

I've been feeling so lonely lately. As pathetic as this is, I think that someone to love would make my life so much better right now. I want someone to laugh with and randomly drive around town with. I want someone to hold hands with at the movies or cuddle with on the couch. Problem: all the guys at my school are assholes. :] Oh, and how about at my friend's party on Saturday, I read a few of her sext messages on her phone. Today, my other friend tells me that the same girl accidently left her phone at home. Her mom looked though her phone saw the sext messages. Her, her boyfriend, mom and dad are going to have a talk. Lol! (Okay, this isn't a very close friend of mine. She is actually a self absorbed bitch.)

Time is the most difficult thing to deal with. Some days it doesn't go fast enough, other days it goes too fast.

Daily Haiku

Crazy and wild

Oh, the adventures of life!

Can I stay onboard?

Today was a pretty fantastic Monday. Don't worry, you probably won't ever hear me say that again. I didn't get assigned any homework for the second day in a row, and I wasn't tired at all. I also went to the dermatologist! (Yay!) He was very energetic and fast-paced. He talked a mile a minute and was very straight forward. He got rid of the five (yes, five.) warts on my finger! He literally burned them off. It hurt a little bit, but everything happened so quickly my brain didn't have to time to register what was actually going on. The I got some shampoo and medication for this yeast thing I have. I was really surprised that it wasn't acne. My dad and I went to McDonald's afterwards, and everyone there seemed pretty hyped up, too. Today was great Monday.

This is my guitar. I always wanted to play, but I never really have the time.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit or armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

-Neil Gaiman

Wow. Best quote about love.

It's pretty basic, but I really like the colors together.

Daily Haiku

I don't feel better.

I just feel really lonely

In a crowded room.

It is really weird how you feel lonely in a crowded room. That was basically the story of my Valentine's Day. I had a twelve hour track meet, then I went to my friend's party. I was probably awake at home for a total of forty-five minutes yesterday, hence, I couldn't do a daily haiku, which I apologize for. The track meet was extremely boring. I played about fifty-two games of gin,  finished a book that I was reading, and carried on awkward conversations with my ex. Then I rushed to get ready to go to my friend's party. This guy who has a major crush on me gave me roses. It was very sweet of him, and I really did appreciated it, but I just don't like him.

These were the flowers that he gave me. I'm sorry, I just want to be friends.

Daily Haiku

It's one of those days.

I just want to run and hide.

I hate this feeling.

Blehh. I feel so terrible today. Just all around, everything, from head to toe, hideous. I just think people are being nice when they say I look pretty. I'm just not happy with myself.

Cute, lil' gold finch.

"You can dip a cockroach in chocolate, but that won't make it go down any easier."

-Love All Around

I really just love this quote and I thought I would share it. You can make what you want with it.

Daily Haiku

I feel different.

You no longer bother me.

I'm just having fun.

So how about the power went out last night into this evening. We had a two hour delay, which was a huge plus. But after school at track the winds were a pain. Aside from the terrible winds, when I was sitting inside as I normally do, because both of my parents work until 4:45 so I usually bring a good book to read and listen to my iPod, but I've realized that I've become a lot more flirty with the passing-by basketball players. I really liked it too. Not like I am going to date any of them, just having some fun. ;]

I wish I could've gotten a better angle on this camera-shy flamingo. He's still a cutie, though.

Daily Haiku

You are really dumb.

I'm glad that I'm done with you.

I'm laughing right now.

So how about my idiot ex-boyfriend got caught making a fake report card for one of his girl friends and got suspended for 3-5 days. Ahaha! It's moments like these that make me happy that son-of-a-bitch is gone.

I love this picture! Partially because it has such a fabulous story to go with it. So my mom was looking at this pin to buy for about three months before Christmas. She didn't know if my dad would like it, and she thought that is was too expensive. Well, a couple of weeks before Christmas, my dad, being the procrastinator that he is, still didn't buy my mom a gift. I told him about the pin, and we snuck out of the house to buy it. Needless to say she was very surprised on Christmas morning. 

Daily Haiku

I thought I was done

This isn't fun anymore.

Just give me a break!

That's about track. Long story short, I have to run in a meet this weekend that I thought I wouldn't have to, which is so annoying, considering last week was suppose to be my last one. Ugh!

Bleh. Sorry about the 'me-picture.' I edited it awhile ago. Not really sure how I feel about it.

Daily Haiku

It's decision time:

I'm done with all of this bullshit.

I'm not looking back.

Sorry about the PG-13 rated haiku. It felt great to write that, though. I wish he could read that and know that I don't like him as much as I pretend to. Anyways, so today, well not today specifically today, but awhile ago I decided that I am going to join the Peace Corps. I just want to help people. I know it will be a good experience and will help me grow to unbelievable heights. 

Here's to growing when all things are dead.

Daily Haiku

I want a day off.

Where I don't have to worry.

About anything.

It's the weekend, which equals another lazy day. Sorry for not writing as much, I guess I am becoming a slacker. I am reading a book, though, so I am not a total loss. I'll give you a quick run through of my weekend. So yesterday I went to see MILK, which was amazing. This is going to sound cliche, but it was so inspirational how just one guy could make that much of a difference. I really loved it! Then afterwards my friend and I went over my other friend's house, where 'the group,' including the guys were there. They were all drunk so it was really fun just to mess with them. My ex-crush was being very sociable, which is completely out of his character, and I'd have to say that it was quite amusing. He kind of sounded like me when I was drunk: telling people that I wasn't drunk and saying that booze is bad for you, but then turing around and taking another sip of what I was drinking. I would have to say that I like him better when he was drunk, which is actually a terrible thought. It was a very interesting night. Surprisingly enough, though, it wasn't really awkward between me and my ex-crush, which is always a good thing. I would definitely rather be friends though. I don't think I am ready to give up my independence just yet. He isn't that great looking either, so maybe we'll be friends for awhile. Anyways, on top of everything, I was later told that these other two guys just randomly rolled a blunt on my friends table and that my friend and her boyfriend had anal sex in my friend's parent's room. I am definitely living the typical teenager's life.

This was taken last spring in Florida, where I didn't have to worry about anything. I miss that feeling.

Daily Haiku

The sun is shining,

But the sun is misleading.

Why is it so cold?

There really isn't much to say today. I just want to curl up in my bed and read the day away.

I took this sometime last year in the spring. I really love how bright the sky looks against the clouds and tree.

Daily Haiku

I feel so hopeless.

I really don't know what to think.

Just leave me alone.

I know, this haiku is so lame. For some reason I've been lacking inspiration lately. I'm just so tired/confused/scared. 

This is a picture from summer. I miss it so much!

Daily Haiku

I am so tired.

Everything I do is wrong.

I just need some sleep.

No picture today. Not much of anything today. I have three tests and a gigantic presentation tomorrow, not to mention a six hour track meet.

Daily Haiku

I really don't care 

That you think I'm different.

I love being me.

I love not following the trends. I love laughing for no reason, because I never used to before. I love it when all of the information comes together and clicks. I love it when I wake up to the sun shining, and a breeze coming through my open window. I love it when I look effortlessly beautiful, even if it is only once every year. I love it when I am in such good shape that I am not afraid to run a hard work out. I love it when I don't miss him, and when I see his face, I am not affected. I love it when I find and amazing shirt on sale, and everyone asks me where I got it from. I love the feeling I get after accomplishing something difficult. I love talking to my best friend about my problems and emotions because I know she cares.

Nothing quite like a cup of hot chocolate on a chilly afternoon. I went for the more sullen look today. Just switching it up.

Daily Haiku

I feel so happy

I really hope that it lasts.

Say goodbye to pain.

Even though I am sick, having issues getting rid of a boy, and have a lot of tests to study for, I am still smiling. And I'd have to say that this happiness is absolute bliss. 

This is my puppy Jack. (He isn't really a puppy, he is about six years old.)

"I wish the thing I loved most didn't terrify me."

That pretty much sums of the way I've been feeling lately, which really sucks. I love being happy, but I feel like I shouldn't be, and something bad will happen. Why can't you stay with me, happiness? We can sit by the fire and drink hot chocolate. Or we can go out and sled ride in the snow. I will do anything for you to stay with me.

Daily Haiku

I am so tired

Of playing all of these games

It just hurts too much.

Bleh. Today was such a terrible day. I have so much to do, and I'm sick. Not a good combination. I just want to light candles by my bed and fall asleep to some slow jazz. 

These nice little candles were given to me by my senior buddy at band camp freshman year.

Daily Haiku

Safety and comfort;

My bed is the place to be.

Why must I leave it?

This morning was one of those mornings where you wake up and beg for five more minutes of sleep because you know you have so much to do. I have a lot of homework I still need to finish up, and I'm still in a mental state of confusion over a boy. I will see him for the third time this weekend because it is Super Bowl Sunday (Go Steelers!!!).

This was ice on my window. Just goes to show you how cold it really is in Pittsburgh.

My Dream House

I want a Victorian house with a wrap around porch. It would be surrounded by a field of wildflowers in the country. In my bedroom there would be a window seat so I can watch the rain tap the glass as I read a good book and drank hot chocolate. My bedroom would be the only room in the entire house to have carpeting. The bed will be so large that three of my kids could fit between my husband and I, and we would still be able to sleep comfortably.

 In one of the bathrooms there would be a white bathtub with the lions feet. And I would always have my cupboards stocked with bubble bath, so anyone could take a relaxing bath when they wanted to. The  bathrooms would remind you of a day at the beach: shells would be in glass jars and the main colors would be a sandy brown and a pale blue.

I want bookshelves lining the walls, surrounding my living room of wooden furniture.  There would be a giant stone fireplace with a mantel so I could put pictures of my kids on it. Of course, there would be windows all through out the house, so I would never have to turn on the lights in the summer. At night, I would just use candles. 

Daily Haiku

I have this feeling:

I do not know what I want.

But do I ever?

I feel as if I am picking petals off of a flower. I want this, I don't want this. I want this, I don't want this.

Another flower from the bouquet my father bought my mother for Christmas. (Yes, it is an old picture.)

Daily Haiku

I sit here now,

Happier than ever, coz

Baby, I found you.

I was listening to John Mayer this morning on the bus, and I found myself singing along. Not to say that I don't enjoy listening to John Mayer, it's just that his words described my feelings so well.

I want a pair of these so bad! They are a little bit too expensive for my budget, though, since I am trying to save up to go to California this summer! Maybe for my birthday...